Quality of Life

[epershand]

Ugh, it's always fascinating to watch how procrastinating on one thing can just drag down my entire quality of life. Everything enjoyable I do when I have something eating away at me is poisoned by the fact that I haven't done Thing I Should Have Done yet. And it ripples outward, as I start procrastinating on other, easily-accomplishable tasks just because of that one poisonous bit of procrastination lurking in my soul. (sarsmicama, that email I haven't responded to? Yeah, sorry about that, my entire personal inbox is anathema to me right now because of something I haven't gotten done at work.)

And then I don't sleep well, staying up late worrying and procrastinating on getting sleep, too. And I sleep restlessly, dreaming of The Thing I Haven't Done in elaborate metaphorical contexts. And the lack of sleep makes me even less capable of facing the things I need to do.

And then when I turn it around, the entire world lifts up into a glorious halo of accomplishment and satisfaction, the freedom from guilt as much of a relief as the end of a headache. Tasks get completed, one after the other, falling like dominoes.

I'm so much better at identifying and breaking this pattern when I get into it than I used to be, but sometimes it still sweeps up and grabs me, helpless in its grasps. I'm digging my way out right now, and oh does it feel good.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

it's route52 from LJ. Anyway, just wanted to say I know EXACTLY how you feel and you've done an excellent job of articulating it. You are SO right.

[eccentric_hat]

Yes. I'm drifting into this right now, I'm afraid, and it's because things I need to deal with are getting closer and I am suddenly afraid of them. This is pretty stupid, so it's good to be reminded that it is a pattern one can choose to end.