Question of etiquette

[epershand]

Would it be rude to leave a note for the upstairs neighbors, asking that if they continue to have regular vigorous sex, that they at least put some padding between their bed and the wall?

They presumably do not notice that the entire wall is vibrating, down at least as far as my floor.

Comments

[damned_colonial]

Hmmm. Could you leave a note, but speak euphemistically so as to minimise embarrassment? Eg., "A few times, recently, I've heard what I think was your bedhead bumping against the wall. Do you think you could move your bed out from the wall or put some padding there, as it vibrates down into my apartment." It's awkward no matter what you do, though :-/ I had a downstairs neighbour at my last place who was incredibly noise-sensitive and complained about talking or walking with shoes on (let alone vigorous sex) after 10pm, and sent passive-aggressive emails about it. Don't be that neighbour!

[epershand]

The essential question was probably: is there a way to leave a note at all without seeming seeming passive-aggressive? I'm not entirely sure there is.

Your wording is a good start, though. I might even go more euphemistic and just say there seemed to be something hitting the wall.

[e-clare.livejournal.com]

I think the euphemistic and vague approach is your best bet -- especially if, Miss Manners–style, you present it in such a way that you are sure they haven't realized there's a problem and you hate to bring up the issue.

"Hello, I'm your downstairs neighbor, and I wanted to let you know that I've recently been awakened/kept awake/seriously distracted by wall-thumping sounds from your apartment. I'm sure you haven't realized that the sound carries through the downstairs wall, and I hate to bring up this awkward issue, but I hope you might find a way to minimize the noise--perhaps some rearranging of furniture?"

...ack, this is harder than Miss Manners makes it look.

[epershand]

Yeah, despite my frustration I'm not convinced there's a way for me to leave a note at all without seeming creepy and/or passive-aggressive. Your wording is helpful though, and if I get more aggravated and do leave a note, I will probably use something really close to what you've written here.

[e-clare.livejournal.com]

Good luck! Let us know how it turns out. As long as you don't mention sex, you'll totally avoid the creepy factor. (And don't wait too long to leave a note -- the longer it keeps happening, the more frustrated you'll be, and the harder it'll be to keep that from turning into a spectacular passive-aggressive note.)

on the other hand

[wild_irises]

It feels less passive-aggressive to me if it's not euphemistic. I might say something like "I'm glad you're having a good time, but ..."

Re: on the other hand

[epershand]

Really good feedback--thank you :)