I'm not sure I would say "ungainly, but ultimately charming" on this one - I might be persuaded to make an argument for "ungainly, THUS charming." Especially in a poem very much about the insufficiency of language for the purpose of addressing God, I don't know that I'd want it to be too polished. "Our limping metaphor translate" is just perfect, though.
Epershand - Hopefully this doesn't come across as obnoxiously nitpicky, but in the final line before the couplet, I think possibly it should be Thou, not Though?
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Ahem.
I'm not sure I would say "ungainly, but ultimately charming" on this one - I might be persuaded to make an argument for "ungainly, THUS charming." Especially in a poem very much about the insufficiency of language for the purpose of addressing God, I don't know that I'd want it to be too polished. "Our limping metaphor translate" is just perfect, though.
Epershand - Hopefully this doesn't come across as obnoxiously nitpicky, but in the final line before the couplet, I think possibly it should be Thou, not Though?