I do not stop being charmed by it, which is probably evident from the fact that I've posted it it multiple times. But its cadence just feels really blocky and unnatural to me. Some of it might be the hexameter, but the enjambments outside of couplets also carry a large amount of the blame. Some of the word choice and ordering also feels ungainly to me, I think--the mirror of "whom I bow to" and "to whom I bow" in the first line would be lovely in Latin but sets me twitching in English.

I love the last couplet to pieces, though, and the underlying message of the whole thing just feels quintessentially *right.*

Yeah, I turned off commenting on crossposts. Would be happy to talk about the reasons in private.